Are square pizza slices an abomination?
-
some strong opinions over on twitter...
-
like the highlander, for this question there can be only one (answer).
that answer is yes.
-
@Night-Train I dunno, I kind of like square slices. The best is the one in the middle!
-
@Frito-Pie pffft. you would. they're the jon snow of pizza aka the bastard slices.
-
LOPEZ APPROPRIATES PIZZA CULTURE
-
-
Oh and... to address @Night-Train's original question we have to dig a little deeper.
Sicilian slices should be square. If you get a triangular one then the dimensions of the cut must conform to the golden ratio. Sicilian are the only slices that are allowed to be square... unless you're from Mahwah, NJ and you've been to La Gondala and honestly that pizza only flies because they make crazy toppings that are awesome. But always ask for a side slice, the middle is like getting the middle from the brownie pan. Who wants that? Absolute garbage. Anyway... I think I'm off track here.
More to the point, triangular slices. This is the way pizza was meant to be eaten. As we all know, Leonardo DaVinci first created pizza, alongside fellow pizza artists Donatello, Michelangelo, and a fourth master craftsman, Ellio. This was back in the 1980's and geometry had not been fully developed and squares had not been created. As such, these renaissance geniuses were forced to use the triangle. This is why we all eat triangular pizza today.
Unfortunately, there was a schism in the group and Ellio set out on his own. He was kind of a dick, but I digress. Anyhoo, Ellio, after the discovery of the rectangle, and mass production, decided to shape his pizza this way so that he could fit it in a fucking box... because pizza belongs in a fucking box?!?!?! Well... wait... it does belong in a box because how else would you get it home from the pizza store? I mean, you could take it in a bag if it's just one slice. But if it's one slice why do you have it in a bag? Just eat it! Shit... I'm drifting again. Really need to focus.
Look, the point here is this. Sicilian, good. La Gondala, good, but really a local thing. Triangle pizza, the way that god intended it. Why do you think one of the creators painted the Sistine Chapel? Because god was involved... that's why. Finally... Ellio was a dick, his pizza sucks, why is it in your freezer?
Oh and also... listen to the Pizza Jam.
-
@damian TL;DR
I like the middle slices because they don't have crust on them.
-
Nothing wrong with square slices. If it wasn't for square slices in Neenah, WI we probably wouldn't have had the Pizza Jam....
-
@Chris-Ogor-Lopez @Night-Train shots fired
-
Now I really want Pizza!
-
I watched @Night-Train and Red argue over this after 2017-04-22. I didn't even know square pizza was a thing outside of Sicilian.
-
@RadiantDarkness it's still going.
-
@RadiantDarkness it's been ongoing since 9/29/2016. Some of the best square slices of my life!
-
I really really want Pizza.
-
I grew up in central Wisconsin. All the independent places cut squares, but they also put such an abundance of cheese, sauce and toppings that a triangle simply couldn't hang... or I should say, it would hang to your immense displeasure.
-
@Frito-Pie said in Are square pizza slices an abomination?:
@RadiantDarkness it's still going.
it's disturbing just how many of you not only like this "style" of "pizza" but actually seem to prefer it over a nice traditionally cut triangle slice.
you all might as well be underground klan members too, that's how taken aback i've been with this outpouring of support for the devil's cut of pie.
you don't have to live like this. there is a way out. say it with me:
no square slices. No square slices. No Square slices. No Square Slices. NO Square Slices. NO SQUARE Slices. NO SQUARE SLICES.
NO SQUARE SLICES! NO SQUARE SLICES!! NO SQUARE SLICES!!! NO SQUARE SLICES!!!! NO SQUARE SLICES!!!!!
-
Make America Square Again
