3 Nights of Spafford, Or A Field Guide to Killing It as an Awkward T-rex



  • It's a fact that T-Rexes love Spafford. I hear a lot of questions like "Why T-rex? What does that have to do with the band or the music?" And to that I say: "T-Rexes don't answer questions! They're here to rage Spafford!" If you'd like to summon your inner T-Rex, the following is a beginner's guide. So enjoy, but keep the chomping to a minimum or I'll chomp your face off!

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    Thursday, aka Official Cape Business
    2017-11-09 - The Ogden Theater, Denver, CO

    When we arrived Thursday, it was a bit of a rocky start. The plan was to crash at a Spaffriend's house for the weekend. Unfortunately, we had the wrong address because the space wook I arrived with didn't confirm the address until after we had been dropped off. So, T-rex and the space wook had to walk a mile through down town Denver with all the luggage to get to the actual place where our friend lives. I admit I was hangry when I finally arrived, but T-rex does her best to not eat her friends, especially when they let you crash at their place. There was a sweet pickle reunion as soon as we arrived!

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    I'm not sure why my friend and I both have these pickles. Some creepy wook we met at the Last Exit Halloween shows sent them to us because according to this wook, "These pickles are Lopez AF!"

    After devouring some tourists we met up with the Wisco Bros and went to some bar to see some soundcheck jams. It was pretty solid. Then hung out with the Red Side Bread Side crew until the show, during which time we learned about docking. Seriously, if you don't know what docking is, look it up. It was all the rage this weekend.

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    The show itself was great, although at set break some sassy wook got backstage by convincing security he was with the band because he had a cape and was on "Official cape business". Okay, the wook did get a hug from Red, so maybe that cape business was legit. Later, the same sassy wook was mooing during Salamander's off beats. WTF, who moos during a song? The crowd was really into the show, except for the chomper behind us screaming her full childhood backstory of how her sister was mean to her and now she has no self-confidence. Obviously. You're yelling this over some great jams, so she clearly messed you up. Somebody had to help her, so I ate her. Then I went into a rage coma because the music was so amazing that I don't quite remember what happened next. I bet it was hot fiyah though and I can't wait for it to get Nugged! Next thing I know, I'm back at my friend's house where this girl Ali is yelling about Dry HJ Purgatory. “Dry HJs for eternity!!!”

    Friday- aka We're Coming for You FoCo! Aka Full Sass Night Number 1
    2017-11-10 - The Aggie Theater, Fort Collins, CO

    We set out Friday for Fort Collins, bringing along Josh to help us stock up for the night ahead of us.

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    We found a pretty sweet air bnb close to downtown, which could have been made more awesome by the following list of suggestions:

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    The sassy wook showed up at the air bnb and despite the previous night's shenanigans, did improve the place by hooking up his light-up shower head. I was into it; this wook knew what was up. I requested to see this wook go Full Sass Mode and he obliged. Woo! Ooooh, sorry for wooing, I forgot that's frowned upon. I've gotta say, that sassy wook knows how to go Full Sass! Did you see those sparkle shorts and sweet leggings?!

    The show was even better than the previous night, despite the obnoxious chompers Steph and I had to roar at. Speaking of Steph, girl make sure you don't throw stickers at the band. Brian doesn't like stickers to the face. Thanks (Nicole) for that sexy reprise. Idk what happened next but I'm sure it was hot fiya! Check it out when it gets Nugged!

    Ride home was lit! We broke out some disco dicks for the Lyft driver because disco dicks make everything better. That Sassy Wook freaked out the lyft driver with his Creepy Pete and the Penetrators impersonation after the ride.

    Creepy Pete and the Penetrators Tries to Hail a Lyft – 00:24
    — Spaffnerds

    You can see the driver backing away, not sure how to handle all that sassy energy.

    There was some negative energy back at the air bnb because no one was following the house rules and Josh was getting cranky. Situation improved when Jordan showed up. Lopez fanboyed Jordan, didn't even say anything to him, just stood there staring at him. I, on the other hand, yelled at Jordan. T-rex wants that sweater back, Jordan! We finished the night shotgunning White Claws and Ali falling off the couch. I munched on some late night torsos before I went to bed. All in all, a very good night.

    Saturday(s are for the boys)
    2017-11-11 - Globe Hall, Denver, CO

    20171112 025725 – 00:11
    — Spaffnerds

    Ugh, 3 days are tough for T-Rex, but according to @SassyPete (aka that sassy wook), we were "Popped, locked, and ready to dock!"(I told you docking was all the rage). The day started out promising. It was a brunch with the CO crew at some trendy brunch place. We tried to exchange I'm Killing It stickers for food but the server wasn't really going for it. Nevertheless, the tequila shots (thanks Josh) were a fantastic start to day 3. After brunch, it was a short tour of all Denver had to offer before heading to the meet and greet.

    VIP at the Aggie! We met the band! I didn't yell at anyone this time (give me back that sweater!) and actually hugged everyone, which is super difficult and usually awkward with my short T-Rex arms. I was very impressed by the Red Side Bread Side.

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    You know they only brought the bread to throw at the band but I think they were talked out of it. Speaking of throwing things, that was the most aggressive glow stick throwing I've ever seen! Going to the front of the stage and throwing them into the crowd is the worst idea ever! Most interesting moment of the night was the nerd herd. Sassy Pete and the bread crew crushed it with the cow masks.

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    If you missed that moment, it was pure gold. Also, shout out to the Dream Jammer, Andrew Hilston for summoning that awesome Dream Jam. And shout out to Hilston for giving us this cat fail video later that same night.

    Hilldaddy Cat Fail – 01:28
    — Spaffnerds

    You're killing it! And while we're talking about cats, turns out Simon and Lily is a song about cats. That's right, cats. I was definitely over-stimulated by that point, so the rest is a little hazy, but can't wait for that fiyah show to get Nugged!

    Fast forward to the after party, night two of Full Sass Mode, and more cats (thanks John)! Three night runs are tough on a T-Rex so at this point it was time for bed. The next morning, my driver showed up 20 minutes early so I bit his head off. Thanks for the heady feast Colorado. I'm back in Arizona and the best thing is we get to do this all over again next week in Flagstaff. Can't wait to see you Nerds there!





  • Awesome 🦖! Thanks for capturing the spirit! Now rest until NYE!



  • @Awkward-T-rex ate my phone. So much fun



  • I nominate you to go to and review every future show. This review was 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥


  • $$$

    I met the T-Rex at the Globe. Didn’t devour me, but seemed vaguely inquisitive and annoyed by my presence. I’m lucky to have escaped with all
    my limbs intact.



  • @603Brett this is why I'm awkward t-rex.



  • I’m making mashed potatoes and peeing in my pants all over again. Thank you for that awesome review!!!



  • @diana.quirin I couldn't have done it without you!


  • A

    @Awkward-T-rex torsos are the best. Torsos are > dry HJs > stickers to the face. I thought I had learned a lot from this review. Then I googled 'docking' and realized I was a babe who knew nothing about the ways of the world anymore. Thanks for the awesome review :)



  • Fricken a what a review by T-Rex


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